grandmothers

My two grandmothers were born within a year or so from each other, lived within 20 miles of each other their entire lives, married at about the same age, and died within a year of each other. I was blessed to have them until about five years ago. My grandmothers were vastly different in personality and stature, but both were uniquely special.

My father's mother was a tall, bony woman, not overweight, but large and loud. Her voice could wake the dead, and often did wake the sleeping. I say these things with much love. I remember talking on the phone once with a distant cousin who was also researching the family genealogy. He was an elderly gentleman and when I introduced myself, he laughed and said he remembered those Dees girls. He said they could out-talk and over-talk anyone alive. He was right. The get-togethers included a volume of speaking and laughing that would deafen anyone within two or three rooms away. I think they were raised talking loudly because their mother had been nearly deaf since a childhood ilness, and their father had become so. Loud talking was necessary in that household. Over my 60 years, I've had to learn to tone my own voice down, because I inherited Nena Roxie's voice, and my older daughter did, as well. I used to hate that, but now I feel so privileged to have that part of her. She loved so well and so deeply and so without condition. Oh, did I mention, I also inherited her size and body shape, except that now I realize as I grow older that I'm not quite as tall or bony. I'm just large. Where she was large-boned, I'm just fat. I don't think it's genetic in my case; I've just not taken care to watch my eating or get enough exercise.

My other grandmother, Nena Beulah, was a shorter person, about 5'4", and I only remember one period during which she was a little chubby. The rest of her life, she was either too thin, or what I would term just right. She was built like a brick outhouse, though. She was not a dominating person, nor was she very loud. Her whole purpose in life, it seemed, was to do for others. She would always hop up to serve, rarely sitting down at a meal until it was nearly over. When deciding where to go out to eat, she would never cast the deciding vote, but would go with what everyone else wanted. She was a meticulous housekeeper, where Nena Roxie took care of what was really necessary and left the rest while she did something else -- like read or go bowling. Both grandmothers loved people.. and men. Nena Roxie married three times, and Nena Beulah married four.

Both women only had one child. My mother and my father shared the distinction of being only children. Both were spoiled, of course, and neither had many life survival skills because of that. My grandmothers were hard workers. One of my grandfather's (Nena Roxie's husband) was ill most of his life and died young (age 59). Nena Beulah and my grandfather divorced when my mother was a child, so I don't remember them being together at all. I remember Nena Beulah's husband as being Jim Evans, the older and very wonderful man who was around when I was growing up. Jim was retired and ill then, too, when I was an impressionable teenager. So Nena Beulah worked hard to make ends meet. You see, she and Jim had taken me and my younger brother, Mike, to raise. I spent months at a time with Nena Roxie and Papa Ezra, as well, but the majority of time was with my maternal grandmother, Beulah, and Jim.

Both Beulah and Roxie lived well into their 90's, though their lives at the end were sadly different. Roxie had a mind sharp as a tack, though a stroke had taken her ability to communicate well with others. She could speak a few words and when really eager to say something could begin and nearly finish a sentence, but she was there. Her mind was there in her paralized shell. Beulah was healthy as a horse, as the saying goes, but her mind was gone. She suffered dementia, and if not for her devoted fourth husband, Fred Castleman, she would have had to be placed in nursing care long before she actually was. I will never forget the vacant look in her eyes toward the end. She was gone, long before her body gave up.

I like to think, and I do hope, that I've inherited much of the good in both of these fine ladies. I know I have qualities and some physical attributes from both. They were loving beyond compare, and never withheld the unconditional love of a grandmother.